Social cow disease, what’s so good about it? Original Xiaobei Peking University Publishing House is included in the topic # Social phobia, 1# Internet neologism, 1# Hot Spots, 16.
Recently, many people want to get a "disease"-social arrogance.
What do you mean by "social arrogance"?
Literally, it is not difficult to understand: contrary to "social phobia", I am not timid in social aspects.
Whether you are a semi-acquaintance who has only met a few times or a stranger who has never met before, you can talk with confidence and Kan Kan, and never care about other people’s eyes and ridicule.
For social terrorists who are embarrassed and nervous when they get close to people, they are really envious.
The origin of the disease is beyond examination, but on various social and video platforms, there are legends that patients are getting wild.
"Social cow disease" has become
A hot topic that has been played more than 1.4 billion times on Tik Tok.
It has been found that parents and elders are high-risk groups of social arrogance.
Some like to sing loudly in the park intoxicated, and some can talk to anyone, so there is no one they don’t know well.
Some people have concluded that those who can eat the star bowl of rice have the genes of some social experts.
Sa Beining became the deputy director of the school radio station by "cheeky" self-recommendation; Lareina is an ordinary ice-breaking and hot-field expert; Child star Hu Xianxu has been "popular" since childhood ▼
Not only stars, but also their hospitable cats and dogs, human cubs who are bold and curious about the world, and even the edited Harry Potter have become proud symptom owners ▼
Bilibili praised the video of "Harry Potter’s social arrogance"
By next bam bam jun
There are also some people who boldly let go of themselves and have no psychological burden. Shouting in public, dancing passionately in public … all kinds of "out of line" behaviors are completely out of the question.
The eyes of the crowd are their stimulants.
Some of these behaviors are exaggerated shows, which earn attention and traffic through "wonderful people"; But behind the netizens’ hot discussion about the disease, there is a deeper psychological appeal.
The first one is the desire to "be brave to be yourself".
I believe that many students were educated as children to be "sensible children" and think for others; Actively capture other people’s emotional thoughts, so as to give an appropriate and decent response.
This can easily lead to the situation that in social interaction, people care too much about what others think of them and put their feelings above their own. At the extreme, it will become a "please-type personality":
Don’t dare to refuse the rude request of others; Excessive criticism from others, accept all the orders; I’m wrong and I can, but the word "no" is hard to say.
Compared with living in harsh self-examination all the time, "social arrogance" is very attractive because it ignores the freedom and "licentiousness" of others’ eyes.
People with flattering personality are usually people who are not confident enough. They are afraid that their "true self" is not good enough to be liked, so they are afraid of embarrassment, refutation and rejection.
This kind of "fear" makes them live in a cocoon house built by many "dare not" in public: they dare not attract the attention of others in a high-profile way, dare not recognize and affirm themselves, and even dare not express their thoughts, joys and sorrows in public.
One of the symptoms of social awesome:
Regardless of the eyes of others, boldly let go of your feelings.
This is also why with the growth of age and experience, some people have changed from "social fear" with trepidation to social experts who dare to speak out-
On the one hand, it is the self-confidence brought by the accumulation of social skills and work ability; On the other hand, it is gradually recognized that "other people’s opinions" in social communication are actually not that important; Sometimes it is even fictional and imaginary, and it is the rules and regulations we impose on our words and deeds.
When you watch the video of "social madness", you feel that "it’s so cool not to care about others", you may want to reflect:
How long has it been since you took good care of your needs and made allowance for your feelings?
In addition to hoping to "be brave and shine with confidence", Xiaobei thinks that "social arrogance" is also popular because it represents a kind of high emotional intelligence social skills to some extent.
It’s too difficult to be a man!
However, this society with high speed and information explosion always seems to give more favor and preference to children with high emotional intelligence and ability to be human.
In the workplace, under the same basic conditions, most employees who know how to show their abilities and achievements "mix" better;
In school, it is often the active and cheerful children who are more liked by teachers and classmates. Wherever they go, they are C-places with their own aura and prosperity;
Even in leisure activities, people who can socialize can often make friends or even "take off the bill" as soon as possible …
A netizen in the Douban group posted about his "social cow disease", which aroused everyone’s envy:
See "Douban Goose Group" in the original post.
The comment "How did this disease get infected" received more than 10,000 praises.
The landlord’s powerful examples include:
Get acquainted with colleagues within one week every time you enter a new unit; It is recognized as the "warm field king"; Naturally praise the leadership without affectation and actively report to the leadership; I quickly mingle with people from all walks of life … I get the most evaluation that my emotional intelligence is super high and exquisite.
Interestingly, at the end of the article, the landlord said that he was actually a contradiction:
In fact, my true personality is inferior and introverted.
The comment area has learned a lot: awesome, but how to overcome the inner introversion and inferiority? Others asked: Is this "soaring acting"?
This statement is actually traceable.
Erving goffman, an American sociologist, put forward a famous theory of "parody".
In the theoretical masterpiece "Self-Presentation in Daily Life", he compared society to a theater, compared social members of different genders, classes and occupations (that is, you and me) to actors who play different roles in society, and compared interpersonal communication to acting.
For example, a good boss should be strong and charming, a qualified friend should be patient and enthusiastic, a decent middle class should be proficient in using steak knives and forks, and a female star on TV should be glamorous …
In the social operation, everyone is playing his "role" conscientiously.
Why do we need to "perform"?
Gofman put forward a concept: impression management.
In the process of interaction, people will always consciously or unconsciously "show" themselves to each other, thus shaping others’ impressions of themselves.
When a person appears in front of others, they usually want to know about this person or call up all kinds of information they have about this person.
They will be interested in his general socio-economic status, his self-concept, his attitude towards them, his ability and his trustworthiness.
This is due to some practical reasons: obtaining the information of an individual helps to define the situation, so that others can know in advance what the individual expects of them, and what they may expect of the individual, so as to make appropriate responses.
In the words of Gustav Ichheiser:
An individual will have to take action to expresses himself intentionally or unintentionally, and in turn, others will have to accept the impressed he has made in some way.
In this sense, people who are good at socializing are also good at "performing".
They can convey all kinds of symbols and information through appropriate and accurate words, actions and even expressions in interpersonal communication, so as to guide and even shape others to have a specific impression on themselves.
People who are not very sociable, or lack such awareness, or are ashamed to express themselves, or are not good at adjusting their performances according to different scenes, environments and audiences.
But it is worth noting that people are not actors in the true sense, and they are not always acting. In reality, performances are always performed intentionally or unintentionally, not completely false, disguised and deceptive.
Just like Sa Beining, the representative of "social arrogance" cited by everyone, he dares to laugh at himself, is not afraid to make exaggerated expressions and performances in his interactions with people, is good at taking over stalks, and never lets words fall to the ground; This is absolutely inseparable from deliberate impression management and shaping of people.
But behind his super ability of reaction, logic and language expression, his personality, knowledge and insight-that is, "acting" the real part.
This is why the audience still likes the cuteness and sincerity in his personality.
Gofman also put forward a pair of interesting concepts in Self-Presentation in Daily Life: "foreground" and "backstage".
The front desk is "standard expressive equipment that individuals use intentionally or unintentionally during the performance"; Personal front desk refers to the appearance and behavior of the role played by the individual. The former is used to inform people of the social identity of the performer at this time, while the latter enables others to predict what role the performer will play in the situation.
The backstage is the area after the performer’s "performance", which is separated from the performance stage. It is a place that the audience can’t enter and see, and it is also a place where individuals can relax and rest.
Gofman believes that there is no clear boundary between the foreground and the background, and they are transformed according to the change of the situation faced by the performers.
The distinction between front and back actually explains why many people are introverted, reserved and inarticulate in front of strangers; In front of acquaintances, they will immediately become cheerful, enthusiastic and "lawless."
Whether it is a person’s state or being with close friends and acquaintances, it is our "backstage comfort zone", where we can occasionally put down our burdens, focus on our goals and relax ourselves.
Finally, Xiao Bei thinks that, except for the grandstanding, the qualities of courage, cleverness and humor in "social arrogance" play a positive role in interpersonal communication.
But what can make interpersonal relationships last for a long time must be proper limit and comfort. And the two must be based on mutual understanding and care.
On the one hand, we might as well accept ourselves boldly and try to show ourselves skillfully; On the other hand, loyalty to self is always a precious virtue. After all, life is like a play, and the greatest weapon for an actor who laughs last on stage is sincerity.
-End-
Author: Yan Shu
Viewpoint reference: Self-presentation in Daily Life
[America] Irving gofman, translated by Feng Gang.
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Original title: "Social cow disease, is there a good cow? 》
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