At present, some young people’s social interaction is almost completely concentrated on a small mobile phone. These young people advocate "light" socialization. They generally have few friends and will not go to a "light party" because no one wants to make friends. But Danren is by no means the main force in our circle of friends. A considerable number of "socially dense people" gain more energy by making friends.
Some of them like to get together every once in a while, some know more friends because of their common hobbies, and some always maintain the friendship between their small groups.
It is easy to interview "social people". They will take the initiative to say hello, readily agree to interview, and will share their social stories endlessly. After the interview, the reporters naturally became their new friends, and they had the opportunity to get together again.
Favorite family bar to sit hard for ten hours with friends.
Despite trying to recall the details of each party, Lingling couldn’t remember it. "I was so high that I couldn’t remember a lot."
Lingling likes to attend parties and often initiates parties. These parties are always the same seven or eight people. The meeting place is either in a public place or in someone’s home.
"We like to stay at home, because we will feel very kind and relaxed at home." Lingling said.
Lingling’s friends, boys and girls, were classmates with each other. She and A were classmates in the first grade of primary school. After A transferred to school, they were classmates in the second to sixth grades with B and C. After entering junior high school, Lingling became classmates with B and C.
At first, the party was held between these four young people. Later, B introduced four good friends, and these four friends were also Lingling’s junior high school alumni.
"Let’s get together, there’s no one at home." As long as it’s a holiday or weekend, Lingling will invite friends to a party at home.
During school, although everyone is scattered in different schools, they will also "get together online" through video. The activities of offline parties are mainly playing cards and chatting; Online parties can’t play cards, but everyone is talking to Kan Kan on the phone.
Of course, everyone still likes the offline "Homebar", and they get together almost once a week after the holiday.
In order to make the party more atmospheric, Lingling also prepared spherical color spotlights commonly used in bars at home. At the party, they will play music on TV, chat while listening to songs, and occasionally play games, so they will stay up until the next morning.
After the first few friends got acquainted, many friends joined Lingling’s party circle and became more lively.
Everyone will "gang up" according to different sexes, different high schools or their ancestral homes in the north and south, and arouse the desire to win or lose in playing cards and singing.
At a gathering on the third day of the Lunar New Year, a friend brought a guitar from home instead of playing live on the stereo, and then everyone played a "truth or dare" and revealed a lot of their own privacy secrets, which also deepened our friendship.
Of course, parties are not together every day, but friends gather and disperse, and disperse and gather.
When not having a party, Lingling will often contact her friends and look forward to the next party. And if anyone needs help, friends will always come forward and gather together.
Once, Lingling was frustrated and depressed, and a friend called to comfort her for a long time. I still don’t feel at ease when I put down my mobile phone, but I can’t accompany Lingling because of the distance, so I told another friend. Without saying anything, the friend came to Lingling’s side to accompany her. The two talked until two o’clock in the morning. Lingling expressed her sadness in her heart and suddenly relaxed a lot.
Friendship needs to go in both directions. The girl who called Lingling to comfort her recently went to other provinces and cities to take part in the postgraduate re-examination. When Lingling heard that she was alone, she bought a train ticket from Shenyang to accompany her. Because there was no suitable ticket, she simply bought a ten-hour hard seat ticket.
Lingling admits that she is actually a social genius, which may be inherited from her parents. Her father is a social expert, and she has been trained to greet her neighbors and play with children since childhood. Therefore, in addition to the small group gathering of eight friends, she will also participate in many social activities.
She will go to the school’s hometown meeting, have a picnic with her fellow villagers, play mahjong and games with her roommates in the dormitory, and participate in the college basketball game. Through these activities, she made more friends.
It’s warm to have a birthday party for more than 300 people.
It’s hard to think of her as a "social person" when you first meet her in the south, and you can’t guess that she will be a host fan of a star birthday party.
This ordinary-looking girl once hosted a star birthday party attended by more than 300 people.
On November 4, 2023, which coincided with the idol’s birthday, Chunan and several friends planned a star birthday party on the second floor of BOM Xifanli in Haidian District, Beijing.
This is the second time that Chunan has hosted an offline birthday party for his favorite idol. Chu Nan recalled that when she first organized an offline birthday party, she was not very satisfied because of her lack of experience. This time, she made up some regrets.
For this birthday party, Chu Nan and other friends began to look for a suitable place two months in advance, and then they prepared the supporting materials car by car.
One and a half months before the official start of the birthday party, the fan review began, and she communicated with the participating fans one by one through email to determine their identity and ask their needs.
The birthday party was carefully designed with the efforts of Chu Nan and friends. The fans who came to participate in the three-five-one table tasted the set meal provided by the coffee shop, and chatted, cheered, screamed and applauded with the "same burden" (that is, fans who like the same idol) who just didn’t know each other.
Chu Nan said that the main reason for holding such a large party is that everyone can meet more young new friends. Because "sharing the same burden" has the same emotion, they will be more attractive to each other.
Socializing through the identity of "sharing the same burden" can reach 90% in the social interaction in Chunan. She likes this strong interaction triggered by common love.
For example, a "fellow-bearer" bought her a simple meal without eating for a day in the early south, and there were also small gifts that "fellow-bearer" stuffed for herself when she received the aid items.
"I feel that this is like an opportunity to start socializing, so that I can have a topic to talk to each other." Chu Nan feels that sometimes, although the content of the chat is not always completely compatible, the common interests and hobbies really make it easier for young people to get together and become friends.
A friend of Chunan’s in real life met because of the same hobby. Both of them like RAP and the same Korean group. They often go out together, and recently they have an appointment to go to a concert.
Chu Nan said that she likes the feeling of offline communication, because there are many limitations in online communication, while offline communication is more peaceful and patient, and at the same time it lacks the cold feeling of online words, which can better reflect the warmth and sincerity between people.
Once I watched a concert, there were still more than three hours before the official performance. At that time, the weather was cold, and some "co-bearers" saw that she didn’t bring water, so they offered her hot water to drink, and some girls noticed that she was wearing thin clothes and offered to give her hand warmers.
I feel the warmth of Chunan, and I also hope to pass on my warmth to others through "socializing with others". Xiao Jie, a fellow-bearer, said that she had never met Chunan before, but she could feel Chunan’s enthusiasm at once.
After passing through WeChat, Chunan and Xiaojie discovered that their respective schools were "neighbors". "I really didn’t expect the two of us to have such a fate. She made me feel particularly warm and happy."
More than 7,000 WeChat friends are neither colleagues nor classmates.
There are "dense people" who have high-density interaction and make friends widely because of their love, and there are also "dense people" who are intertwined and good at making friends.
"Come on, let’s have a toast at this table!" Ten people who didn’t know each other just now have pushed a cup for a change.
In the banquet hall of Beijing Jintai Haibo Hotel, there are more than 20 seats in this wine table. Among the more than 200 people at the scene, there were not many people who were familiar with it. They can get together because they have a common friend, Chen Lei.
This gathering, held at the end of 2023, was called "Spring Festival Gala for Lawyers", and the participants came from many fields and industries.
It was the lawyer Chen Lei who invited them.
In March, 2022, Chen Lei founded a "Lawyer Club" with several friends, so he made more young friends.
At present, there are more than 1,000 members in the Lawyers Club, at least half of whom are friends of Chen Lei. There are many professors and scholars among them, as well as practitioners in corporate legal affairs, appraisal institutions, notary offices, mediation institutions and evaluation institutions.
With the development of the club, members are no longer just legal workers, and the activities of the club are no longer pure legal activities.
At present, the club’s activities include lawyers’ case sharing meeting, lawyers’ outdoor meeting, lawyers’ car club, lawyers’ welfare club, lawyers’ images, lawyers’ think tanks, lawyers’ interviews, lawyers’ training, lawyers’ books, lawyers’ public welfare, lawyers’ legal affairs and lawyers’ slapping eggs.
Each of these directions has its own manager who is responsible for the organization of daily activities. Chen Lei will also participate in some of these activities according to his own time and preferences, and communicate and interact with everyone.
"From the initial 20 people to more than 1,000 people now, we are building a relaxed, high-quality and valuable public welfare platform …" Under the fluorescent light, Chen Lei introduced the development and concept of the club on the rostrum of the "Law Spring Festival Evening".
Then, at the beginning of the program, Chen Lei stepped down and went to all the tables to greet everyone warmly. Even if he has just met someone, he can accurately call out his name and even recall their previous meeting.
At the dinner after the show, Chen Lei’s sense of humor and wit still kept everyone laughing.
When making a toast, Chen Lei can take care of almost everyone’s feelings. Even if he meets an introverted person, he will take the initiative to find a topic and guide him into the whole atmosphere. "Let them feel that they are an indispensable part of this occasion" is Chen Lei’s saving policy.
All the expenses of this activity were negotiated by Chen Lei with suppliers. In his view, these suppliers are also his friends. As soon as many suppliers heard that Chen Lei was going to hold the "Spring Festival Gala for Lawyers", they were happy to sponsor their products.
A friend of Chen Lei mentioned that Chen Lei often organizes everyone to have dinner together and engage in outdoor activities. These activities are free of charge. Sometimes he asks friends to sponsor him, and sometimes he simply pays for himself.
Through various dinners, Chen Lei has made many friends. At present, his WeChat friends have exceeded 7,000, of which 4,000 are not colleagues, colleagues or classmates, but friends he has accumulated through constant social interaction.
In any situation of dealing with people in life, it is possible for Chen Lei to make friends. Even the dentist thing, Chen Lei didn’t forget to make friends.
He would recommend his relatives and friends to go to a clinic where he often goes to see a dentist. The dentist is very grateful for his support over the years. So when Chen Lei was at the dentist’s, he inadvertently mentioned that he wanted to hold an activity and needed some gifts, and the dentist friend immediately gave Chen Lei a lot of membership cards for oral care.
Chen Lei said that his "sociable person" attribute first appeared in college, when he could "naturally engage" with almost anyone.
Chen Lei, who majored in mechanical engineering, passed the legal professional qualification examination in 2019. After one year’s internship, she successfully obtained a lawyer’s license. However, after officially starting his career as a lawyer, Chen Lei still needs to keep on learning and accumulating, considering that he is not from a regular background and has few resources. So he was admitted to China Renmin University as an on-the-job graduate student for theoretical study, and he founded the Lawyers Club for practical exchange.
Chen Lei also has his own experience and understanding on how to make friends. He roughly divided his social types into upward social, parallel social and downward social:
He believes that when socializing upward, we should take creating value as the starting point and help them solve problems, so as to gain more opportunities and resources; When socializing in parallel, we should give substantive suggestions and analysis, so that the other party can feel their sincerity; When socializing downward, you should sincerely share the road you have traveled and why you have gone this way, so that people feel that they have learned something that can be copied.
How can I leave a deep impression in social activities? "Let everyone feel that you have more labels and more possibilities, have more topics with others, and attract more people with the same frequency." Chen Lei said.
Text/Reporter Zhang Ziyuan Zhu Jianyong Intern Tu Shengqing Li Ruijie
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